I provoke many people with my opinion about right and wrong; even though it is not my intention. That opinion is of course that there is no ‘right or wrong’ (or ‘good or bad’ for that matter). It provokes. It has provoked my boyfriend, my friends and even complete strangers. It has provoked them so much that they will try and get a rise out of me by firing off examples of certain acts and asking, nay demanding, that I contradict myself.
They say… ‘Shitting a football’ or ‘Squeezing a watermelon through a bagel’…
Whatever. Those are humorous and fairly accurate descriptions…but only about delivery (which for me at least was ironically the easiest part). They give is no indication of the fear, trauma and humiliation that many women go through to deliver a baby.
My childhood had not adequately equipped me with an ability to love without sex. At 21 I had barely any relationship with my adoptive mother or my adoptive father. Both had found it necessary to leave me to my own devices; my mother because she had ruled with an iron rod and I had fought back twice as hard, my father because he had only started to parent me at 16, to find out it was too late to tame me.
I moved to live with my father in Cyprus to be a lesbian sex slave. Of course that’s not what my parents know, because when you’re 16 going on 17 you are supposed to be concentrating on important stuff …like what subjects you want to do at A-level. Not moving country in case Interpol locate you and forcibly escort you across international frontiers to be someone’s escort girl.
The ad said ‘Wanted: A Concept Creator & Storyteller who likes to be seen and heard.’ It might as well have said ‘Wanted: Louisa Leontiades’ …or rather Louisa (No Leontiades). Yes, I admit it. I do like to be seen and heard. Who doesn’t? ‘Your email will be firstname.lastname@example.org’ said the IT guy. ‘Ah so [...]
I entered the world again today. But I entered it as a new person. The old Louisa, was a people pleaser and a chameleon. She could slip in and out of roles connecting with people from all different walks of life. She mirrored people’s accents when they talked. She ate blue steak when her companion [...]
Katie Hopkins – a controversial TV reality star in the UK – was recently published on Femail claiming that she outsources parenthood to a team of five nannies. The secret to being a happy mother? Hire five nannies to do the boring bits My son’s school sports day takes place a few weeks from now. [...]
It’s rather late in the day to be reading and reviewing an erotic novel. Shades of Grey-mania has passed. And passed me by during the three years since my daughter’s birth where I haven’t read so much as a warning on the back of a fag packet (mainly because I gave up smoking and reading [...]
Another couple – Aidan and Jacinthe – was driving us to the social and as my nerves mounted, Jacinthe gave me her top tip.
“Keep your lipstick handy. And use it as an excuse if you can’t say no – just wave it in the air and head off to the bathroom.”
“You mean ‘Excuse me, I need to go to the ladies room’ like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman.”
Comparisons to hookers seemed particularly apt. Aidan looked at me in the rear-view mirror and said
“Don’t worry. No one will force you to do what you don’t want to. Besides, this is a social. Probably nothing will happen anyway.”
Blogging, the soapbox phenomenon of the last 10 years, is firmly established in our collective psyche. And behind the protection of your screen, you are freer than ever before to pontificate, lambast and spout opinions as you see fit with little regard to the consequences. But as you have the power to give, so you [...]
Bush: Uncut I’ve come a long way with my bundle of issues, but discussing pubic hair with my mother-in-law is most strictly out of bounds. Or it was, until now. I wasn’t aware of having invited the conversation either; an innocent comment on my loss of hair on my head following my pregnancy, had started a tirade [...]
There’s a rumour going round. It goes something like this.
You won’t truly be loved by another until you love yourself.
It’s been repeated in various guises by many over the years and notably several Hollywood actresses. They seem – unsurprisingly – to be the most in need for a little self love.
I used to find it difficult to say Thank You. It meant I was endebted to someone and had an obligation to them. This behavioural pattern was learned from my mother, who was so needy and unhappy that I unconsciously felt it my duty to live up to the expectations she had of me, so that she could be the mother she always wanted to be.
Reddit has taken a lot of my attention lately. If you want hugely insensitive and incensed opinions, with ocassional flash of intelligence and the ability to laugh out loud from the written (usually American) word, it’s the place to go. On my neverending quest to explore the constraints and influence of religion on our society, [...]